Just For Today
A blue and white sign on the wall. JUST FOR TODAY. Look down. A cold colorless blue linolium floor. Feet. Legs. Shorts, skirts, shoes, socks, sandals, human beings… I look up again like a deep sea diver coming up for air. There is no air. Shirts, arms, skin, faces. Colors, textures. Black plastic and metal chairs. Made in China. Shit. A cheap plastic orange clock hanging on an unattractive pre-fab off-white wall. Telling time. Time. Shit. Voices. Addicts. Alkies. Losers. Lost souls…
Recovery… Easy does it. Keep coming back. A day at a time… It’s a long road. Long and hard and complex. Tough luck. Fans spinning. Hard to hear. Voices. Bla bla bla… My mind is talking too loud. My mind is restless. My feet are restless. I don’t wanna be here. Don’t wanna be anywhere. Don’t wanna be…
That’s why I ended up here. And now I got acid coming up in my throat from a big hole in my gut. Too many cigarettes, too many drugs, too many doses of rotgut rum. Too many whores. Too many beatings. Too many sleepless, restless lonely nights and bad nasty habits, thoughts, memories, traumas, scars. Too many thrills and spills and self inflicted dramas and terrors. Too many nightmares and too many fears. And now I’m here… Nine years clean and sober. Shit. I look around the room. Lost souls. Like me. Fighting the void. Voices. Like mine. Screaming, barking like motherless dogs for a scrap of salvation. Shit. Shit. Shit.
Nori said,
February 11, 2010 at 7:30 pm
Damn, I thought you were talkin about the DMV office….