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MY EASTER:Woke up to the smell of coffee on the stove and Joao Gilberto trickling through the small stereo this morning in the flat on Via Gioia. Had breakfast at the Panicerria in Brera, the downtown distritto dell’arte after not sleeping much Saturday night. Narcisa is FINALLY in the printers, thank God.

Been relating to Jonathan a lot these past few days as my father is also psychically, cosmically, umbillically connected to a young, vivacious, irrational, highly intelligent and half-demented Brazilian woman- dare I compare anyone to Narcisa, but there are a few vague similarities right there. I don’t really have anything bad to say about her, it’s more that I need to learn to practice tolerance toward people that don’t think the same way as me– which is most people. She is confused, I’ve been there. Compassion is the first step I guess.

As far as Narcisa goes. Any reaction is a good one I suppose.

 I remember a few months ago I was reading a short story to a room full of people and one older woman starting crying and choking. Then she blurted out ” Just stop! Just shutup!” And she walked out of the room. As if she felt my pain vicariously through my words. Reliving her self induced trauma. Essentially she fell victim to what I look at as lessons. I paused a beat from reading, not sure what kind of reaction I was supposed to have… But I did all I could think to muster which was this big shit-eating grin. It was a good feeling to affect someone on that level.

So anyway, as I was off to Genova Nick was hopefully handing Narcisa off to Orlando Bloom, another pirate and friend of Jonathan, down in sunny Los Angeles.

My heart was in Milano, just for today. I feel at home there and will most likely end up living there for some period of time in the future.

Anyway. After eating poor Peter Cotton Tail for Easter dinner, I started getting antsy and decided I was sick off spaghetti and jumped on a plane real quick to London. So, here I am. Sitting at a friend of a friend’s flat in East London. It’s very cold here.

Now, if nobody minds, I am going to wax (fair warning).

For all of those who judge Jonathan or myself for what we are trying to do, it’s fine. Just know this:

People are in a constant process of growing all the time. I am not the same person as I was yesterday and in a sometimes very tangible way I can change as a person completely throughout the course of one day. And in that, I have lived many full and prosperous lifetimes in my short time on the earth.

You and I are always changing and moving, literally, the tiny particles that make up the matrix of our perceived reality bouncing around at higher speeds than the human eye can register. So, if for no other reason, THAT is why we’re here on this planet; to grow, to move, to change. To EVOLVE, essentially. We are living organisms. That’s just what we do.

Such is also true of any relationship. Its always shifting, changing, growing and evolving. The Course in Miracles states that Relationships are “assignments”.

It states that there’s no accidents or coincidences in who we become involved with whether on an intimate level, business level, friend level. A blowjob in the backseat of a car. Whatever. Its all the same. We are assigned to one another so that we may serve our highest purpose as an evolving creature- that we may learn from one another through interaction with the human species and thereby causing our brains to expand, which, by any definition of the word is “evolution”.

Marianne Williamson uses the example of a gemologist smoothing a gemstone to describe this process. In her own words, since she can explain it better:

“The raw amethyst rubs up against another raw amethyst and that’s how they are smoothed out. And so it is with you and me, our rough edges rub up against the rough edges of other people. And that’s how we smooth out our rough edges. If we never rub up against any others how then would the edges get smoothed out?”

Good question. They wouldn’t. We’d forever be stuck in the lowest stage of evolution. And rubbing our rough edges against others in an attempt to manifest our Creator is not always easy. Some edges are rougher, sharper, stronger than others. But, our only purpose is to GROW. There is no promise of happy ever after, or nirvana, although that usually comes with the territory over time. Lots and lots of rubbing. Basically, its a very simple formula. A+B is C.

All of the prior being said, it only makes sense that our greatest learning experiences come from relationships that can typically be described as nightmarish trainwrecks, tragic disasters.

Jonathan, like I strive to be, is a true guerreiro, and although he may stray far from the confines of conventional thinking, he has given himself whole-heartedly to the sole purpose of life, to grow. Eventually his amethyst, emerald, and onyx will smooth out, as they have already begun to do. So will Narcisa’s.

And as I was told by my dear friend Louisah once, “NO PRESSURE, NO DIAMOND!!!!!!!!” (and that’s exactly how she said it)I wish you all the same abundance and happiness that I feel on this sub-zero London night. I’m gonna watch Jamie roll on ecstasy now.

xx