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Self pity. Self justification. Self obsession. Self destruction. Poor Narcisa.
I think about the crimes and punishments of my parents; My stepfather’s pathetic laments, even as my mother lay dying on a shit-stained matress in the next room from the ravages of a life of
madness and untreated alcoholism. How he stood there and cried like a baby, saying, “I never thought this was how we would spend our lives in the end. All our plans and dreams…”
So much for the fucking American Dream. Death on the installment plan. Shit.
Denial. The belief that the satisfaction of their primary instincts for wealth and power and prestige and material comfort, sex and luxury will somehow open the gates to an artificial garden of eternal
happiness, the childish belief in a man made plastic paradise… The road to insanity and death. Self delusional, egocentric Ignorance of life’s true purpose and value. And intellectual pride. Oh yeh. Pride and fear. That unholy pair has killed more addicts and alcoholics over history than all the liquor and drugs and wars and scourges and plagues and diseases of mankind combined. Shit, I saw it kill my whole family off before I was old enough to know myself, or start my own dark descent into its ugly world of trouble and doom, seeking that same artificial paradise. Shit.
I just remember looking at my stepfather that day with a mixture of
pity and utter contempt.
And now here we are, me and Narcisa, reliving the whole nasty
scenario all over again like a recurring nightmare merry-go-round of
horror you can’t ever get off. Shit.

Copyright Jonathan Shaw 2008. All Rights Reserved.
NOTIFICAÇÃO: Os eventos relatados neste site são contos de ficção registrados na Biblioteca Nacional com todos os direitos autorais revertidos ao autor Jonathan Shaw. Os personagens mencionados são inteiramente fictícios. Certos eventos, personagens, lugares e relatos, foram baseados em fatos reais, porém qualquer semelhança a qualquer pessoa viva ou morta se trata de pura coincidência. As várias fotografias apresentadas se encontram com o rosto distorcido para preservar o anonimato das modelos que representam personagens fictícios.